1000 Days and Counting
It’s been 1,000 days since we said “YES” to a call that completely changed the course of our lives.
Here’s how it went down.
I received a call from DSS (for whatever reason I am usually the one they call) a little after 1pm on a Friday afternoon. The social worker informed me of a possible placement with 2 little boys, she gave me the basic information DSS is allowed share, and then asked whether we wanted to accept the placement or not.
I deflected that question and quickly asked a few follow up questions of my own, scribbling what info she was able to give on the back of a napkin I had ripped from my glove box. Ashley and I never say yes automatically in those initial phone calls, not until we can talk, to make sure we are on the same page. So, I thanked the social worker and told her we would get back up with her as soon as we could. I hung up the phone, took a few seconds to get myself together, asked for God’s help and direction, and then called Ashley.
This time, when I called her, was different from the others. It was actually our third day in a row of receiving calls from DSS to have children placed with us. Each call was about sibling groups, meaning 2 or 3 children. OUR preference was to have a placement of 1 child. Not 2 or 3. But man is DSS persistent. Kudos ladies and gents. Lol.
You see, we had said yes to the previous 2 calls that week already. BUT neither placement made their way in to our home, due to biological family being located and deemed a suitable placement for the children. Which is a good thing for those families!
With a feeling in my gut (Leroy Jethro Gibbs- NCIS style) that our answer would be yes, Ashley and I went through our “process” again. She listened to me tell her of what I remembered from the conversation with the social worker, all while her heart rate slowly increased. She then started asking me way more questions than I knew answers too! My mind was racing just like hers, so I did my best to fill in the blanks. (That’s why I had grabbed the napkin to help me out!) We quickly imagined how much our lives were about to change. Then we prayed.
All of this went down with me sitting in my car in the parking lot of a coffee shop called The Java Post. I was heading to Jacksonville and had turned around to park and speak to the DSS social worker. The moment my phone rang with an unknown number and DSS on the other side, I just had a feeling that I wasn’t making it to Jacksonville that day. (I was right!)
We were now on the same page about our next step. (That is huge for couples, no matter what you are setting out to do!) We were ready to offer our YES once more to DSS.
You see, we had said yes before to DSS, but this yes was different. The other times we had said yes, were for temporary respite / emergency care placements. Examples of this could be- caring for a child while their FF (Foster Family) goes out of state, providing a safe place so a child doesn’t have to sleep at DSS with their social worker, or giving a FF a much needed break. They each had start / end times.
THIS time, our YES was to a foster care placement of 2 little boys with a definite start date but no end in sight. YES to a journey we had no true concept of what it would actually look like, or how long it would be. YES to having no experience really at all in being parents, but we were willing to give it our best for these 2 tiny strangers we were scheduled to meet in less than 5 hours.
We were scared out of our minds.
Doubt that we could even do what we were saying YES to was very real and heavy. There were so many things to do to prepare and very little time. We were optimistically overwhelmed.
We were crazy!
Our home, like so many others in Eastern NC was in shambles due to Hurricane Florence. We were living in our guest room and doing our best to help others in our community make it one day at a time. Our youth facility at our church was completely destroyed. Obstacles all around us. So many reasons to say no.
But we said YES.
And trusted God, each other, and our family and friends for what was ahead.
Then I did what any good husband does when his wife has a million things on her mind, is stuck at work, and is depending on you to get the ball rolling on a list growing longer by the minute.
I told her everything was going to be ok. And then I drove to the drive through window at the Java Post and bought her one of those fancy, hot, caramel infused, coffee tasting, whipped cream topped drinks… and bought myself a big ole glass of Chocolate Milk (with extra chocolate of course!)
After giving her a kiss and her coffee, and calmly reassuring her that everything was gonna be ok, I quickly raided our Kid’s Ministry of equipment we needed (with our Kid’s Pastor Elizabeth’s permission) for these lil guys. I then went home and cleaned up as best I could, put together our pack and play, and tried to prepare Paisley (our not so mini mini-goldendoodle) for what was about to go down.
I wish I could tell you that when we met our boys, the feelings of fear and being overwhelmed quickly vanished into thin air. Nope! Didn’t happen.
What did happen was God’s peace, setting up residence deep in our hearts.
And people. Wow, the people. Constantly stepping in to help us at just the right times. Car seats and strollers offered, toys and clothes being left on our porch, a nurse encouraging me that first night when I was alone with the baby at 2am that I wouldn’t break this little 5lb baby we were now responsible for, meals cooked and brought over, prayer and encouragement, folks coming to help care for the boys, coworkers and bosses that allowed us time to acclimate and love on the boys, and so many other things…
Our YES revealed how much we needed the Lord, each other, and our amazing support system. Our YES triggered a whole community to become home for these 2 little guys.
Our YES to the boys, was the best thing we had done since we said “I Do” on our wedding day.
It’s been 1,000 days TODAY! Time flies when you’re having fun huh?!
We adopted our oldest son, Brantley, on my birthday last year during Covid!
(Ashley, Brantley and Me)
Since our youngest son is still in foster care, there is much that we aren’t able to say, as we respect the process. This is why we don’t share his name or post pictures about him. We pray one day that will change and you will be able to see the other part of our family. For now, this is the best I can do!
(Josh Wade helped me surprise Ash with this awesome painting for Christmas!)
One of our teachers in our foster class said this…
“Fostering is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. But it will also be the most rewarding thing you will ever do.”
There has never been a truer statement.
We have always wanted what is best for our boys ever since they came into care with us. For God’s will to be done. We are blessed to have a good relationship with most of the boy’s biological family, which is a pretty rare and special thing. We are grateful to them for trusting us to be their Mom and Dad, and will always honor their role in our boys lives. (“Our”- meaning Ashley, myself and the Bio’s)
We are still waiting on the outcome from the court system of the future of our youngest. As a foster parent, you find yourself at times in situations equipped with details, that can make you want to be extremely selfish, but that’s rarely best for the child. In fact, your commitment as a foster parent is to do what is best for the child. No matter what!
So today, as we are still waiting, we are also choosing to continue trusting in the Lord, just like we have these last 1,000 days. Believing that everything will work out best for him. In the way that will give God all the glory.
So many things could have happened to have kept us from ever meeting our boys 1,000 days ago. We were loaded with reasons to have never said YES in the first place. But God knew what He was doing then. And we trust that He still knows what He is doing today!
I invite you to pray with us today and the days to come for the future of our youngest. Also for us as we navigate the unique relationship with our boys biological families.
Thank you to each of you who have been on this crazy journey with us and not abandoning us! You each mean so much to us.
Maybe these last 1,000 days, witnessing Ashley and I, has proven to you that anything is possible! After all, we haven’t even began to discuss Ashley’s battle with breast cancer soon after we said YES. Lol. Oh me. What a crazy journey indeed.
MAYBE there is a YES inside of you as well!
But Rylan, we could NEEEEEEEEEVER do what you guys are doing…
You are exactly right.
Until you say YES! And when you do, who knows what your life will look like in 1,000 days!
:-)
Keep praying with us and stay tuned!
#todaysgonnabeagoodday
